Seventeen years, three cities, five homes, and countless poop baggies together. Sometimes the right thing to do and the easiest aren’t the same.
Tag Archive for 'goodbye'
My last day at Critical Mass went by very quickly. I’m writing a stream of events that happened that day, so that when the visual memories flash by in my head like a projector movie I’ll have some semblance of chronological order to them.
Dropping off thank you cards to my closest friends. Feeling like a visitor in my own desk as I had packed my things the day before. Jonathan Arkell’s personal thank you for the card I left. Confimring last-minute lunch reservations for 25. Watching “Superman vs. Carcin-O-John”. Matt Chan bringing me a chinese bun because my stomach was grumbly. Calling shotgun to get a ride from Jeff Bolton, and the hilarity that ensued. Lunch with new team members and departed ones. Being greeted by Ninja and Sprout back at the office. My last Knowledge Management team meeting. Saying hi to Debra and Pickles. Running off to the local wine store for a sample of prosecco. Making rounds of goodbyes. Goodbyes shorter than expected, as people snuck out for the long weekend. One last conversation with Jonathan Arkell about the better things in life.
I left my parting email short and sweet, as goodbye emails from everyone else in the company seem to recall the same best things about the company that I do.
And then it was over.
When I was a kid, no matter where I was, home/family friend’s house/car/etc, I’d be asleep at 8pm. On the dot. My parents or caregiver would have to collect me up from where I had slowly and sleepily churned my way into slumber and transport me to my bed if I already wasn’t there.
As an adult, since completing my Computer Science degree (read: sleep deprivation galore), that magic number has changed to 10:30pm.
But it’s 12:26, and I just can’t get to sleep. And it has nothing to do with the heat.
I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking about my goodbyes to individuals at Critical Mass before my nighttime ablutions. Some light hearted and thinking of funny and inappropriate moments, some of them more worded to be a solemn thank you. It’s finally sinking in that I’ll be moving on. Of the Five Stages of Rosemary, I’ve finally reached the last and final stage: sorrow. Let me explain.
Over a year ago, I had been at Critical Mass for over two years, which is a hell of a lot of time to build memorable friendships worth keeping. Of course, being part of a large company means that even 10% turnover for a 500+ employee count means a potential of losing five friends. It was hard for me to say goodbye to people moving on, and after a while I noticed a pattern. Five dominant emotions had to be cycled through in order to come to terms with the change.
- Happiness. Why not be happy? After all, a friend is moving on to a new opportunity!
- Sharing. Let’s relive the great memories we’ve had together. Let’s share this great news with other people so that they can also experience happiness.
- Denial. But they can’t possibly be leaving. Why would they have to leave to be happy?
- Anger. No! Why is this happening?
- Sorrow. The delayed realization that day-to-day joys can no longer be shared with this individual face-to-face. Sigh.
Since it was my decision to leave, I don’t get step #4. Instead I’ve plummeted straight from Denial to Sorrow, as I know that just on the other side of sleep I have to pack up my things and do my exit interview. There are so many people I will miss. Even with all the ways to connect online, I still prefer hearing laughter.
It’s 12:40 , which means it’s Thursday. It’s eggs benny day at CM, it’s the day Dan Savage rolls out a new article, and it’s the day of the week dedicated to honor Thor. It also means that technically tomorrow, Friday, is my last day at Critical Mass.
I hate to see what that day will be like.
It's tough to think of a blurb for myself when I'm also on